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I’m trusting a whole lot of people not to randomly murder me throughout the day.
If you live in a custom-built house that doesn’t have a secret room hidden behind a fake bookcase, then seriously what is the point?
Technically, it isn`t pre-marital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
Live life to its fullest even if that means eating everything in the fridge
How many HA’s equal a LOL? How about a LMAO? Is there a conversion chart somewhere?
Go to China on honeymoon. Get intimate with Husband. Tell child that they were "Made in China."
Ten seconds of drug commercials are spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest is spent basically daring you to take it.
I want the job of placing pepperoni slices on frozen pizzas, because clearly whoever has it is now has problems.
Its too damn early. Even the voices in my head are still snoring.
I sure do feel a whole lot more attractive at WalMart than I do at the gym.
My Life Alert bracelet says.....: I`m Just Napping
I don`t make enough money to go on vacation so I`m just going to get drunk this weekend until I don`t know where I am.
They say you are what you eat but I don’t remember eating a sexy beast.
When you`re a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You`ve gotten so big since the last time I saw you!" As an adult, not so much.
If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless ?