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You all take typos way too serious, you gays.
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do!
I don`t have an inner child. I have an inner old person who wants everyone to shut up.
I’m at the doctor’s office & they don’t know why I have this rash on my balls. Guess I’ll wait for the Dr, these other patients are clueless.
Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You`re welcome
If you piss off a girl, just play dead. That sh!t works with bears and they`re just as dangerous as angry women.
Hi everyone! Welcome to AA. This is a "judgment free" zone...unless we`re talking about Janice who ate all the cookies last week.
When someone shows you they don`t want to be a part of your life, let them go. I`m not saying you can`t make a voodoo doll of them, though.
Why would I dance like nobody`s watching? People need to see this.
It`s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
If I was rich, I´d do nothing all day from a much nicer recliner.
The girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy.. so I went out and got drunk.
Now if you’ll excuse me, tonight’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.
You never outgrow sleepovers, they just become coed.
scientific fact: never tell a woman she`s crazy unless you want to see crazy.