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Easy baked macaroni and cheese recipe: Boil macaroni in water.... follow the rest of the instructions on box. TADA!
I am actually impressed by what Lance Armstrong has done. When I was on drugs, I couldn`t even find my bike!
If I was Neil Armstrong landing on the moon, "That`s one small step for man," would have been, "Screw you every girl who ever shot me down!"
Please, lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won`t spoil me!
I just got a paper cut opening a box of Pop Tarts. There will be no more fancy breakfasts around here.
It`s depressing to think how much more Dora the Explorer has seen and done in her life compared to mine.
You would be amazed how cheap lawn mowers are at Home Depot when you own a pickup truck and a orange apron.
Over 500 channels and not a DAMN THING to watch! I suppose I should subscribe to some of them...
I took a nude photo of myself ... With the light off ... You`re welcome.
I’m drinking something. I`ll give you a hint: It starts with a B and rhymes with....um..... “beer.”
Call me old school, but I think your shorts should be longer than your private parts.
When I rule the world, it will be illegal to have an opinion until you`ve proven that you are not an idiot.
I don`t get my neighbor. tells me to make my self at home but then gets pissed off when they come into the kitchen and I`m in my underwear making a sandwich.
God is pretty creative. I mean, look at me.
Nothing good ever came from drinking things that are on fire.