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We`ve all been talking about your paranoia.
The secret to eternal life and happiness could be hidden in the Terms & Conditions and we would never know.
HR called me in today and told me I have a bad attitude. So they`re transferring me over to IT and giving me a raise.
A snail can sleep for up to 3 years. I didn`t know it was even possible to be this jealous.
The guy who decided how to spell bologna was clearly in over his head.
I always get a nice safe feeling whenever I see a police car and I realize I`m not driving around with a trunkful of cocaine.
I`m certain that the reason for Wasps, Hornets, and Yellowjackets was to remind grown men that they can still scream like a little girl.
Did you know that doughnuts make your clothes shrink?
Going to write hasbro a nasty letter!!! The monopoly get out of jail free card doesn`t work...since I`m texting you can you come bail me out?
I liked you better before we met.
my mom and I have so much in common..she doesn`t listen and niether do I :p
Everything is legal when the cops aren`t around.
You got your chocolate in my peanut butter!
thinks it would be great if we really burped bubbles when we were drunk .. just like in cartoons.
Every time I see a pregnant woman, I very much want to ask if she swallowed a watermelon seed.