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Woah.. the room is spinning.. I knew the world revolved around me.. ;)
They say that being successful and living well is the best revenge. That may be so, but rubbing your naked ass all over someone`s cell phone when they aren`t looking is pretty good too ?
Some girls are so desperate. Who calls 3 times, leaves a voicemail, and sends a text?? Take a hint, mom.
Now that Microsoft`s Steve Ballmer has bought the Clippers, I wonder if he will release a new version every few years that we all hate.
It`s a beautiful Spring day to get outside and stare at your phone.
I`d like to thank (you know who) for the (you know what) I`ll talk to you later (you know where) and if I don`t (you know why).
This morning I got in touch with my inner self. And that`s also the last time I`ll buy cheap toilet paper...
Why is it when people ask you "what three things would you bring with you on a deserted island?" , no one ever replies, "A BOAT"
Life is like a box of chocolates. They never last as long for fat people.
Why is it the less money someone makes the better they are at reproducing?
Chicken pot pie sounds like a great idea if you add commas.
you can´t drink all day if you don´t start in the morning
Going to Target. See you in about two hundred bucks...
I had your cake and ate it too.
I`m trying to give up sexual innuendos. But it`s hard........so hard......