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So tell me, does it hurt to be so full of sh!t?
I’m going to start telling women that I’m available for a limited time only in hopes that their shopping instinct kicks in.
Don`t date guys from the internet. The last guy said he lived in a gated community. Prison, he meant prison.
I know you`re the instructor but I`ve seen Ghost 47 times so I know for a fact this IS how pottery is made!
It’s a good thing the fate of mankind doesn’t depend on me turning on the correct stove-top burner on my first try.
Momma didn`t raise no fool. I did this all on my own.
If karma doesn`t hit you, I gladly will.
There are a lot of side effects to smoking weed. Like never shutting up about the fact that you smoke weed.
"Bros before hoes" is something a bro without a hoe would say.
Those who tell you not to run with scissors are just trying to steal your scissors. Run.
Sad how some stick figures get stuck working the hangman game, while others get to have nice families on the back of SUVs
I need to borrow someones kid for Halloween. I miss free candy.
If my body is EVER found dead on a designated jogging trail.. Just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.. :|
If Santa’s helper takes a picture in the mirror, is that an elfie?
I got Mood Poisoning. Must have been something I hate.