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"I`m on my way." -People who haven`t even left the house yet.
one of the Olsen twins got married earlier today! when the fiance was asked "which one???" he replied "who cares???"
Quiet people have the loudest minds.
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding… that the other person is a complete idiot!
Hey, if it doesn`t work out, we can still be friends. Said no guy ever
Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There`s liquor and you can`t hear them.
Remember the good ole days when we had to get out of bed to use the Internet.
I just found out that his full name is actually, Vehicle Identification Number Diesel.
Pro Tip: If you knock on the door to a bathroom stall and someone says "one second," wait more than one second before entering.
The 21st century: When deleting history is more important than making it.
Be nice to me ... I may be hot one day.
Cops never say “thanks for committing crimes and keeping us employed”. It’s just plain selfish.
Just sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellant. Now, he’ll never have any friends.
When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it’s “art” and “music”... but when I do it, I’m “wasted” and “have to leave Home Depot"
What the world needs is a self help movie, cause lets face it, most of us won`t buy the book.