Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Some men get naked when they have to count up to 21...
Things to do today.....pet all the spiders in my house at least twice with my shoe.
To the woman that won the powerball ... "what`s up baby"
Some of the best decisions I`ve ever made involved me clicking cancel instead of send
There are 3 reasons for ”Liking” someone’s Facebook status: 1. I agree. 2. I realise this is about me, so I’m liking it to rub it in your face. 3. I want to bang you.
I`m pretty sure the phrase "Did I say that out loud?" is just a way of adding an exclamation point.
My wife told me, "I look really fat. Please make me feel better and compliment me." I said, "You have perfect eyesight."
My daily routine: Wake up, be awesome, go back to sleep.
The problem with you is ... you exist.
why do i feel like you are reading this
Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario & how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal, but had no milk. I used ice cream.
I wonder if the girls on "16 and pregnant," will come back on "32 and a Grandma."
The cop at your front door is never a stripper when you want them to be.
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you`ll be really far away from me with your motivational nonsense.
I went around the block with my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.