Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My first career was working as a Ventriloquist on a Radio Program, I got let go when people kept calling in to say my lips were moving.........
Note to self: It`s time to grow up, be responsible, and act like an adult. Self to Note: Shut the f*ck up.
Doctor told me I only have 6 months to live, maybe 12 if I get enough likes on Facebook.
Wife is painting the upstairs bedrooms. It`s not in my nature to sit still while she slaves away so I went up and complained about the color
Those who stir the sh*t-pot should be made to lick the spoon!
People should be loved. Things should be used. Unfortunately, we have it backwards
What kind of jerk makes an anti-anxiety pill difficult to break in half?
I don`t really care who wins the elections as long as everyone had fun out there.
I wish Monday was a figment of my imagination.
I was blown away when I realised the word " OK " is a side ways person.
My love for you is beyond words so don’t expect a Valentine’s Day card from me.
My room isn`t messy. I just prefer to have my favorite items on display.
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with hope that it might magically solve her problems.
I have a tattoo of a gigantic bruise on my left ankle in case anyone ever asks me to go hiking. Or help them move.
When you are on a first date and she says to you: "I want you to treat me like a movie star," it is vitally important to establish which type of movie