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If I go sleep at 6 in the morning, does it mean I go to sleep early or late?
I feel like a piece of corn in the digestive tract of life ~ I`m going through a lot of crap but I`m sure I`ll come out whole.
On the subject of sex, my parents told me `the man goes on top, and the woman underneath.` No wonder I got divorced. For 3 years my ex-wife and I slept in bunk beds.
I just let my mind wander, but it didn’t come back yet.
Congratulations, U.S. Government, you are now officially more embarrassing than Miley Cyrus
Dont let facebook fool you we aint friends
I Don’t answer text messages right when I get them so I don’t seem desperate. Then, I forget about them and never respond.
I wish these people who sing songs on the radio would learn the words to the song, they keep messing me up!!
Bulimia: Twice the taste. Zero Calories.
My girlfriend left the lights on, on her Smart Car last night. This morning I had to jump start it with my Android.
Hey ladies! Great news! Those low riding, butt crack, hip hugger jeans are coming back in style!
They`re called `selfies` because the only one who`s interested in them is yourself.
Jingle bells johnny smells, amelia ruled the show, frankies okay, marcus is gay, little mix all the way.. HAY !!!
My boss yelled at me yesterday "It`s the fifth time you`ve been late to work this week! Do you know what that means?!" I said, "Probably that it`s Friday?"…
I`ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I`m actually talking to someone.