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The reason Rump Roast is called Rump Roast is because nobody would eat it if it was called Cow A$$
By 5, the human child can walk and feed itself, but doesn`t yet stray from home, as it relies on parents for tablet charging and maintenance
At least men and women agree on one thing, they both don’t trust women.
I think sex is probably the best stress reliever, but I haven’t beaten anyone with a baseball bat before, so I can’t be 100% sure.
You know when you`re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That`s happening to me, only with beer.
Accidentally took a women`s multi vitamin & I`ve been trying to get dressed for the past 3 hours, but everything is making me look fat.
It’s not that I don’t want kids, it’s just that I don’t want a minivan.
McDonald’s Management Rule #23: “The employee with the most severe accent or speech impediment must work the drive-thru at all times.”
On the Internet you can be anything you want ... It`s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.
She likes to call it a conversation, but mostly she`s gathering evidence.
Today`s Big Idea: Coffee eye drops.
Bacon has protein. Spinach has protein. Bacon is a vegetable.
Babies are really cute until you meet one that`s not a picture.
I was voted `Most Paranoid` by my classmates at school. Although they never admitted it.
I haven`t seen any new Bigfoot pictures in a while... I hope he`s OK.