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Never look back. That’s where all the monsters are.
Alway be nice to anyone that has full access to your toothbrush.
I helped my girlfriend with the dinner last night. I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
Let`s simplify this. Deliver a pizza to me every night unless I call.
Hiding from people at parties is my cardio.
Yeah, you go ahead and climb that mountain "because it`s there", I am going to eat this Pizza "because it`s here"................................
What do you mean this posting of the BBQ ribs you made is not an invite?
I should probably eat this entire bag of Oreos tonight since they`re going to expire in 2017.
With all the technology available now, you’d think they’d have found a way to grow apples without those little stickers.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
No thermostat is as effective at regulating temperature as sticking a foot out from under the bed covers.
According to Debrah in HR, "Back up off my balls" is not the proper way to tell someone to wait for assistance.
Is everything expensive or am I simply poor?
They should open a bar and call it "The Gym" so I can be like those annoying people on Facebook who brag about going to the gym every day.
Some people walk into your life and leave footprints on your heart. Some people walk into life and make you want to leave footprints on their face