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I have decided to stop doing things "Like a Boss" and will now do things "Like a Rhinestone Cowboy."
Ended a relationship today. Don`t worry, it wasn`t mine.
Gym Update: Not there.
You will never be happier than a girl who just discovered her dress has pockets.
I dont want to sound like a badass or anything but I play Wii without the wrist strap on....
Random Thought: How do bats hang upside down without crapping on themselves?
If you`re going to have opinions on my life, then I am assuming you will be paying some of the bills.
Being an adult is the worst idea ever.
The guy who named the "chimichanga" should be given more authority to name things.
Airplanes: offering you the comforts of gas station food/drinks at popular night club prices
One good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.
I wish I had money so I could be eccentric instead of just weird.
Roses are red violets are blue vodka cost less than dinner for 2.
"Oh my god, you`ve gotten so fat! Want me to make you something to eat?" - my mom
The only difference between McDonald`s and my work is McDonald`s has only got one clown running the show.