Daily Silly Status

facebook cuz am too old to have imaginery friends

I spend 95% of the time out of bed wishing I was back in bed

Roses are red vilouts are blue your moms beautiful what happened to you!

I swear Mosquitos have a chart of the human body they study before they leave their nest...They seem to always bite on the worst possible places.. It`s like they huddle up and make a plan: "Ok Sally, you take the toe knuckles.. Betty, you get the crack behind the knee, Mary, you take the ankles, and I`ll take the finger knuckles..Ready? Break!"

Dear Microsoft Office Word I am pretty sure I spelled my name correct

Today I am thankful for dirty text messages, stripclubs, and Jack Daniels

I replaced the spare tire in my car with a box of wine. I`ve no idea how to change a tire, & I bet I`ll need a drink as I wait for a ride.

For the first time in my years of working I have been hard at work all day......dammm those pills!!!!

Judging by the amount of times I accidently cut myself on sharp objects it`s probably just as well real lightsabers aren`t available yet.

Anything you say will be used against you, in an argument, 10 months from now, because I’m a woman. And we never forget. Anything. Ever.

My status would be a lot funnier if you could see my back-up dancers.

Over half the contacts in my phone are named “Do Not Answer”

I tried to give a cute waitress my phone number by writing it on the credit card receipt but accidentally tipped her 9 billion dollars.

Sorry I missed your call ... I was to busy singing and dancing to the ringtone

As a kid, I used to be afraid of the dark. Now as an adult, I love the dark because I’m terrified of the electricity bill.