Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Spent the morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.
A Waist Is A Terrible Thing To Mind
Parallel lines have so much in common, it`s a shame they`ll never meet
Don`t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.
I’ll drink responsibly when there is a brand of vodka named Responsibly.
It isn`t until your kids start talking back that you realize dogs would`ve been a better option.
How did the person who invented the first clock know what time it was?
A lot of people seem to forget their other four fingers when waving to me.
I can’t prove this, but I swear I used to be smarter, funnier, and less tired
A girl updated her facebook status saying: All men are dogs and I commented • Which breed is your dad?
After spending the last week stealing cars and killing people I just found out GTA had missions.
Thanks for sharing your moon with me on Instagram. We don`t have a moon where I live.
Just got nominated for an Oscar for my role as "man surprised his credit card was declined"
Won’t go back in my bathroom until spider is gone! Web search for “spider life span” reveals I will be able to shower again in 1 to 2 years.
Hello, fire department? Is this Mr. February? Yeah, I`m stuck in a tree. Uh, I mean... meooow.