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Never judge a whiskey by its drinker.
I called one of those numbers in the bathroom stall and my wife answered. Very funny guys.
I like holding the door for people who are far away, you know so they have to run a little.
I`ve disappointed a lot of people in my life, you`re not special.
I`m sorry I got salsa on your baby, and I`m extra sorry I scraped it off with a chip
Statistics show that 3 out of 5 people.. aren`t the other 2.
Somebody has to be awesome…might as well be me.
What Meatloaf wouldn`t do for love I would probably do for a six pack.
I`m going to start looking for the good in all people I meet this year. Except for the a$$holes.
You never know how dirty a song`s lyrics are until you hear a child sing them.
Save the US Postal Service. Have the Jehovah Witness and Mormons deliver the mail.
heyy lol
I`m tired of hearing about Republicans this and Democrats that. For Christ`s sake people, don`t you realize on July 15th the Twinkie comes back?!?!?!?!
One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions.
Swearing: because sometimes "golly gee" and "meany" just don`t cut it.