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Remember, an easily stolen ADT security sign placed on your lawn is the first line of defense against crime.
Another beautiful morning I wish I was sleeping through.
Bending over ... preparing to do my taxes.
The scariest US president was Rushmore, because he had 4 heads
hmm ... I wonder what I´m thinking?
With all the potato chip flavors available now, I see no point in buying actual food...
Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy, if you put it in your stomach first.
I like to fill my medicine cabinet with marbles before I invite people over.
WHEW! I just had a near-work experience.
I`m glad it`s the thought that counts because I spend all day thinking about the sh!t I should be doing.
I just broke a light bulb. Damn, is that 7 years of bad ideas.
Mondays feel like biting into a chocolate chip cookie only to find out it`s oatmeal raisin.
My Facebook movie is already in the dollar bin at Walmart.
Don’t get me wrong, you are hot as hell, I am just too lazy to stalk right now.
I have tonight off so if anyone’s free let’s go somewhere and look at our phones together.