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There`s a time and place for wine, In my hand and now.
Got into a vicious battle with quite possibly the World`s Largest Spider. The outcome? Well, I`m updating my Facebook status this morning.... He isn`t.
That awkward moment when you get in the van... And there`s no candy.
It must be hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest. I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
We could learn a lot from our dogs.... If you can`t eat it or play with it, then pee on it and walk away
Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is play dumb.
“But I read somewhere…” -me about to make some sh!t up.
cofeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee... Wheeeeeeeeee!
I haven`t been this disappointed since I first saw a real hedgehog and it wasn`t blue.
I woke up praying McDonald`s would still be serving breakfast but I just missed it by 6 hours.
Big shout-out to slugs for doing everything a snail does but without a helmet.
Im switching some friends from my Facebook account to my Fakebook account.
Do you think people will start blaming auto correct for there marriages breaking down?
Driving a Dodge doesn`t automatically make you a defensive driver.
Ok ... I just had a talk with myself, and it did not go well. Now I`m grounded.