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There were only 3 commandments until Moses’ wife got involved.
If this cold snowy weather doesn`t clear up soon, I may never get in the mood to take down the Christmas tree-
The only reason they make yellow starbursts is for when someone asks you if they can have one of your starbursts.
"That wasn`t chicken in the Chow Mein" I`d make a great Fortune Cookie writer.
This week is the 40th anniversary of the Rubik`s Cube. If you kids don`t know what a Rubik`s Cube is, it`s what people would stare at without human interaction before cellphones. Mel
One day I will solve all problems with grace & maturity. Today is not that day...
Is anyone else`s alcohol tolerance too high for their paycheck?
Sometimes people come into your life and they need to stop doing that
Left the toilet seat up. Wife screaming in 5, 4, 3, 2...
It could be worse. Spiders could have wings.
I really don`t get Astrology but I just hope my daughter stays a Virgo until she`s at least 18.
Coffee? I`ll have a cream soda ... One cup of coffee and I`m up all afternoon.
I hate when I`m about to hug someone really sexy, and my face hits the mirror.
Laughing at your mistakes can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s can shorten it
The only time I’ve passionately knocked everything off a table was when I was trying to make room for a pizza.