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I’m starting to think plates are called china because most of them look the same.
School taught me a lot of stuff, but the most useful was how to get ready in 15 minutes
A gun is like a coupon that works anywhere.
If Candy Crush had a face, I`d punch it.
Just give me coffee and no one gets hurt.
7,000 people were treated in emergency rooms for injuries sustained from fireworks. Don’t be a statistic, let your friend light the fuse
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I`m totally flexible.
I will not let people drive me crazy because I know it`s in walking distance.
If I gave you a penny for your thoughts I`d totally be expecting some change back.
I`m painting a blue square in my garden, so that Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
Facebook should just change it`s name to "People You May Want to Avoid."
YOU WANNA PIECE OF THIS!?!?! ~me, aggressively handing out cake
My problem has always been a Constipated Brain and my mouth has the Runs.......
What do 95% of men do after an orgasm? Delete their browser history.