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Pretty fed up with the fact that pandemonium almost NEVER involves pandas.
Our parents always taught us NOT to write on walls... Facebook teaches us differently
My most frequent walk of shame is from one bathroom to the other with the plunger
Ah man... i don`t have any notifications... better go check another computer
I suspect my gravestone will have a pretty serious urine discoloration not long after I`m gone.
Timeouts just give children a quiet place to plot your murder.
If I was supposed to share them, they wouldn`t be called nachos.
I just found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock,,,, people expect less of you.
Gyms are full of people that haven`t found the right couch.
I mean really though...Why wash cups when you can just drink out of the jug?
Nothing gets me motivated for 10-15 seconds like a good inspirational quote.
Screaming out "BOOM PREGNANT!" during sex is never as funny as you think it will be.
Social media is great if you like socializing without wearing pants.
Why doesn`t someone invent a clear toaster? Then you could see how toasted your toast is while it`s toasting.
Kinda hard to believe not a single mutant at professor Xavier’s school had the power to heal a dude’s legs.