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Got a problem with me? I’m pretty sure a status on Facebook won’t fix it.
My wife’s new cooking show will be called, "Do you smell Something Burning?"
I`ll never understand why the guy that invented braille didn`t just put the dots in the shape of the actual letters.
Things that schools worry about Drugs 1% Graduating 1% drop outs 1% the inportance of using a number 2 pencil on standardized tests 97%
My mind says diet, but my stomach is all SHUT UP BITCH.
I’m an only child, and I’m still not the favorite.
As if " cray cray" wasn`t irritating enough, people have started shortening it to " cray"....that`s just stu stu
I wish they made bar-stools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you`re nuts.
If today were a fish, I`d throw it back.
Only awesome people are allowed to ‘LIKE’ this status!
?"Cheating" is such a strong word. I rather call it "talent scouting".
I`ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.
When suffering from insomnia I either count sheep or ask my girlfriend how her day was.
Having kids puts a new perspective on life.