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first show me the benefits and then I`ll decide if we can be friends.
Doing absolutely nothing on the weekends has started to feel more fun than actually going out.
Pizza gal reads my order back to me and says,"You have one large thick sausage, anything else?" With a smirk I reply,"Yes, I`d also like to order a pizza."
often rambles on and on about this and that seeming to be heading towards a point but really just blabbing about nothing.
Sometimes I order fajitas at a restaurant just to get more attention.
After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast.
I like how Sesame Street just casually has a vampire hanging around.
So apparently RSVP`ing back to a wedding invite `maybe next time` isn`t the correct response
Get off your high horse. Seriously, it’s not safe to ride any animal that’s stoned.
I am a very very very bad influence ... In a good way.
One of us spends too much time on Facebook.
"Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid."
Self checkout must have been invented by a guy who had to buy tampons.
Who called them fake potatoes and not imitaters.
You know how sometimes as you fall asleep your whole body jolts you awake? That`s a ghost finishing sex with you.