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You seem to love cocktails... or part of it.
Picking out the right Christmas tree is a science. Sneaking into your neighbor`s yard to cut it down is an art.
One thing`s for sure when I shower with my boyfriend. My titties are spotless!!
The most misinformed people think they know all the facts.
Automatic doors make me feel like a Jedi
I need a Shazam app for people I`m supposed to recognize but can`t remember
There are times, when I actually am hungry like the wolf. But thanks to Duran Duran I can`t tell anyone without sound like a complete f*cking idiot
Sometimes at the gym I`ll struggle and make all kinds of awkward grunting sounds, but eventually I`ll get my shorts on.
Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram have taught us that for every giant technological leap ahead, we will find a way to use it for dumb sh!t.
I`d kill for a microwave that plays Europe`s “The Final Countdown” during the last 30 seconds.
I wish I can start a new diet, but there`s a bunch of old diets I haven`t finish.
If I were Noah, I’d be grabbing two of every bottle of alcohol
It`s not that I like watching midget porn, it`s just that my phone screen is too small to watch regular porn.
That depressing moment when you dip your cookie into milk for too long, it breaks off, and you wonder why bad things happen to good people.
You`re one of a kind! Thank goodness...