Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Because of smart phones my thumbs now have biceps.
That awkward moment, when you wake up with one sock on.
When people sit in front of me at the movies. I make a loud fart sound so they quickly move to get away from me.
My weekends are basically just spent splitting a bloomin` onion with my bros at Outback Steakhouse while trying to figure out why girls don`t like us.
When your wife`s in labour, never sneak a look at the business end; it`s like watching your favourite pub burn down.
My favorite part of the Bible is when God gives humans free will, then kills them with a flood because they didn`t act the way he wanted.
Reason number 347 why I hate Facebook: A guy from high school posted 11 new photos all with the caption "me"
When I was a teenager, a "selfie" meant something totally different than it does today.
The trouble with jogging is, that by the time you realize you`re not in shape, it`s too far to walk back.
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much sh!t to carry.
I do this thing called "Whatever The F*ck I Want".
Who called them fake potatoes and not imitaters.
If you’re a douchebag, it’s so easy to find the right hat.
Note to self: the wife does not want an `exercise pole`.
Yesterday I saw something that reminded me of you. I almost stepped in it!