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That awkward moment when you give the same Hallmark card two years in a row.
Either I need to up my dosage or my income.
My house isn’t dirty, I just have everything on display.
I`m having trouble telling if it`s killing me or making me stronger
One way to know if someone is lying to you is if their facial mole is in a different place every time you see them
If you go for a jog and you don`t post it on Facebook, have you really jogged?
I hate when homesless people shake their cup of coins at me. It`s like yeah I know you have more money than me, no need to rub it in.
Job interview tip: repeatedly ask if you`re under oath
Bored? Text "Our condom broke." to a random number
Gotta admire people who drive with one hand holding on to a mattress tied to the roof.
You`ll notice you never see sweatpants with "Classy" written across the butt.
I burned my mouth on my pizza and I feel this is a strong metaphor showing me that the ones we love can hurt us the most.
I hate when reality happens outside of my head.
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.
awesome collection!