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Make somebody happy today... mind your own business!!!
"I`m on my way." -People who haven`t even left the house yet.
Dear therapist, I might actually come see you if your job title didn`t spell out “the rapist” Sincerely, not lying down.
I was just awarded the first place trophy for laziness. All I need now is for someone to accept it on my behalf.
On the subject of sex, my parents told me `the man goes on top, and the woman underneath.` No wonder I got divorced. For 3 years my ex-wife and I slept in bunk beds.
I hate wasting alcohol on social occasions.
I hate Cheetos stains on my peignoir.........
In my defense, it was a fantastic idea at 3am...
Self-Checkout lanes were invented by a guy who was sent out to buy tampons.
I dig, she digs, he digs, they dig, we dig. its not a good poem but its really deep.
am feeling lazy......... jst like the guy who desighned the Japannese flag
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you`re stupid and make bad decisions.
Has anybody seen my keys? they`re awesome.
Reasons I check my voicemail: 1% to hear the message. 99% to get rid of that annoying icon.
Someone once told me, “GO FOR BROKE” !! I’m happy to report that I succeeded…