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Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your neighbour’s wife; And beer as COLD as your own. :)
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called "fun sized" should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.
Hey parents with teenagers, the bottle of vodka in your liquor cabinet is water.
If you can`t think of a word, say "I forget the English word for it". That way people will think you`re bilingual instead of an idiot.
If you think my post are bad, you should see my choice in men.
Warranty – A notice telling the buyer when the product that was just purchased will no longer function.
Reasons why I never let my girlfriend touch my phone. 1. I don`t have a girlfriend.
I wish the Microsoft Paperclip would just pop up when I’m making a questionable decision for my life.
You can`t Febreze bullshit.
My wife has spent all day arguing that she isn`t stubborn...
There is always light at the end of the tunnel. It might be a train or a truck so dont let it hit you.
some mornings i wish i could sneak up behind my alarm clock and say, "HOW DOES IT FEEL?!!"
Sarcasm is wasted on the idiots who inspire it.
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from your neighbor`s house is genius.