Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I bought a Christmas tree today and the guy asked me `Will you be putting it up yourself?` I told him, `No, you sicko, it`s going in the living room!`
Whenever I check my weight, I always subtract 5 pounds. I don`t think that boobs and brains this fabulous should count against me.
Is it wrong to tell a knock knock joke to a homeless person ?
If a cannibal is late to dinner do they give him the cold shoulder?
I had hopes and dreams. Now I have vodka and Facebook.
I bet Batman`s cape gets stuck in the car door more times than he admits.
Last night I got drunk and ate 3 tennis balls by mistake, f*ck you Pringle`s.
I was going to get a lot of stuff done tonight, but I didn`t. Because, you know...beer.
Right before I die, I am going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels to make the cremation a bit more interesting.
My mother suggested that I get professional help... and that`s when I hired my first hooker.
If you see me laughing like a crazy person, think nothing of it ..it`s just the voices in my head telling me jokes!
Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
I don`t want to brag or make anybody jealous, but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody`s there to appreciate it.
If our phones were really smart, they would tell us to get off of Facebook and do something meaningful or constructive with our lives.