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I just saw someone by themselves not looking at a phone. Hope they`re ok.
Why am I single? Answer me. . . ANSWER ME YOU STUPID CATS!!!
Dear alcohol we had a deal where you were supposed to make me cool, sexy, charming and a great dancer........I seen a video......we need to talk.
Friend told me that on her strict new diet, she eats each meal naked in front of a mirror. I said would you like to come over for dinner?
Another World`s Oldest Man has died. This is beginning to look suspicious.
Apparently beer contains female hormones. After you drink enough you can neither drive nor shut the hell up
That "No alcohol beyond this point." sign might as well say "I bet you can´t chug that whole beer!"
Its amazing how much more tolerable thanksgiving with the family becomes after the 5th cocktail…
It’s called “Karma” and it’s pronounced “Haha, f*ck you!”.
Tampon commercials create an unrealistic expectation of how much fun it is to be around menstruating women.
Me: You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Me: And you’re smart too, I like that.
If you are going to write in the dust on my car, please dont date it
This debate episode has to be the craziest Celebrity Apprentice I`ve ever seen!
If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your a$$.
Make yourself at home. Clean my kitchen