Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I had a dollar for every time I got suspicious… I’d wonder who the f&*k was paying me, and why?
I party like a Rockstar. A very poor Rockstar who isn`t in a band anymore.
Sometimes all you need, is 500 million dollars.
"You`re better than that" is almost never true
Sometimes I spend whole meetings wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.
It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. Then I`m back. Me, explaining a vacation to my cat.
I’m on that new diet where you eat everything and hope for a miracle!
One of my favorite discoveries about adulthood is that there are literally no rules stopping you from eating an entire row of Oreos at once.
Give a man a gun he can rob a bank. Give a man a bank and he can rob everybody
I just found out the neighborhood is having a meeting about the creepy guy. ..Its weird that they forgot to invite me ..
When I woke up this morning everything in my house had been stolen and replaced with exact replicas... WEIRD..
There is 2 address we will always know by heart, 1: Our Own, and 2: P. Sherman 42 wallyby way Sydney!
The easiest way to escape a conversation is to interrupt the other person and say "this conversation is going great" every few seconds
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
Every wanna answer every question with a middle finger? That`s kinda where I am today.