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It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do!
Sometimes I wish I was full of pizza instead of emotions.
JOKE OF THE YEAR: Two women were sitting quietly together, minding their own business.
for some reason my plans to workout never work out
I hate when our cat runs into the room, hisses at an empty chair then runs back out and I end up in the bathtub holding a crucifix.
The way my kids act at Walmart, it`s just a matter of time before the security camera footage is a hit reality show!
I have no problem giving credit when credit is due. It’s giving payment when payment is due that I seem to struggle with.
Sometimes I miss being in a relationship, but then I look at my wallet and I feel alright again.
You should always love a woman for her personality. We have so many to choose from.
I just want one spam email that`s like, "Congratulations! You have a perfect-sized p*nis."
Word for the day is asstard
Nothing says "I`m unemployed" like wishing for snow on Facebook.
Speed bumps can turn into speed ramps depending on who`s car I`m borrowing.
Why can`t Miss Piggy count to 100? Cuz` when she gets to 69, she gets a frog in her throat!
I have no super powers. I`m guessing I`m the villain.