Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Some relationships are like fat people, they don`t Workout!!
WARNING. Content on my Facebook page may offend. But I don`t f*cking care
Health tip: There`s never a `safe` time to shake a teenage boy`s hand. Never.
I wrote a song about a tortilla actually its more of a wrap.
What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer, & a pregnant girl have in common? In each scenario, there`s a dumb guy who didn`t take it out in time.
When my dog sniffs another dog`s poop I can only assume that it`s their equivalent to checking a friend`s facebook page.
30+ and single? There`s an app for that. Wait. My mistake. A cat for that.
Relationships would be easier if people came with a “Clear History” button.
I was like "No, Pepsi is NOT ok. I wanted a Coke." And she was all "Sir, 911 should only be dialed for real emergencies."
Relationship status: I make my own sandwiches.
Brains are awesome! I wish everyone had one...
Tip for Sunday Church: Don`t forget to keep your phones on silent, especially if your ringtone is `I like big butts and I do not lie!`
What’s the difference between partly cloudy and partly sunny?
I just made an emergency survival kit. You know, for emergencies. It looks like all my other kits, but don`t be fooled; this one is red and has more liquor.
God is pretty creative. I mean, look at me.