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Ya Know, if I was Jessie`s Girl. I would of dumped Jessie for Rick Springfield!!
Relationship status: my cat won`t sit still for our selfies.
Me: "Why do all the people I love leave me?!" UPS Guy: "Please Mam, just sign"
I don`t hit the "Like" button on my own statuses because I am self-centered, it`s just that I amaze myself sometimes and I want to show my appreciation!!!!!!
Do you ever get the feeling that you`re being watched? Because if it`s bothering you, I`ll stop.
I’m not saying don’t trust the internet but there’s an alarming discrepancy between the number of ipads I’ve won & the number of ipads I own.
Dear life, I`ve had enough bullsh!t to last a while. Can we take a little break please.
Whenever you`re feeling really bad about yourself just remember, there`s people that pay money to exercise.
A hot woman telling me about her boyfriend is like setting money on fire in front of a homeless person.
Eleventeen percent of the population makes up words.
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I`m thinking about getting her a treadmill.
Nice try blocked number, but I don`t even answer my phone when I know who`s calling.
Is it rude to put *vomits* under someone`s post ?
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions
Being all talk and no action sounds relaxing.