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I cannot even begin to imagine the conversation that led to the first circumcision.
It`s getting warm out. I can finally get back to smacking people and blaming it on mosquitos!
My kids keep bugging me about dinner, even after I keep telling them I already ate.
I know they didn`t ask for it, but I sent a stool sample in with my tax returns.
Repeat after me: It doesn’t matter how big the problem is, posting it on Facebook won’t solve it.
What’s a drunken pirates worst nightmare? A sunken booty with no chest.
If A-B-C-D didn’t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn’t have to be so rushed.
You have to wait 30 days to buy a gun but Amazon Prime only takes 2 days to ship live bees, no questions asked.
I`m not fat. My stomach is in 3D
During a test..people look up for inspiration, down in desperation, and left and right for information
Say goodbye to your girlfriends cause I just bought a book on magic tricks
Every snack you make, every meal you bake, every bite you take, I`ll be watching you. - Dog
I wish that we lived in a world where a chicken could cross the road without getting its motives questioned.
If you think your girlfriend has a great sense if humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes.
Ever wish the choice you made and the “right thing to do” were the same thing?