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I love hearing rumors about me...that`s how I find out what I`ve been doing.
In some ways I’m just like a dog…. I can’t be trusted around unsupervised food.
Pet stores should post "Chameleon" on empty reptile cages just to see how long people would stand and look.
*Gets absolutely nothing done*… Welp time for a break.
People with 1 syllable names ruin the happy birthday song
When you think about it, the little old man behind the curtain in Oz was the original catfish.
I’ve already decided, if I ever go to The Price Is Right, I’m gonna “come on down” whether they call my name or not.
"You drive me to drink!!!" ~Me shouting to the taxi driver.
I don`t quite get women who have like 15 bridesmaids. I don`t even like 15 people altogether in my life.
I`m pretty sure God just pointed at me and laughed.
I don`t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.
A fun part of your 40s is waking up thinking you`re hungover, and then remembering, nope, this is just how my body feels now.
Guys I can`t be leave I`m sharing this with you, but I saw my self on TV. After I turned it off.
If you still wear a Calculator watch, my guess is you don’t need it to add up all the ladies you get….
Im switching some friends from my Facebook account to my Fakebook account.