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Why is it called "Alien vs Predator"? Isn`t predator an alien too? They should`ve just called it "Some Aliens"
I thought Match .com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it`s a website to find love. So I was close.
My wife just said we should have another baby. I hope she didn`t mean together.
People say "Happy Thanksgiving" which is nice, but then they ruin it by saying "Don`t eat too much". Do they want me to have a Happy Thanksgiving or not?
Dear Santa, I would like a thin body and a fat bank account. Don’t mix it up this year!
I do not like being told what to do unless I`m naked.
Don’t judge someone because they sin differently than you.
My friends had a surprise party for me last night, well I called it a surprise party they called it an intervention.
Drake isn`t even a rapper anymore. He`s an emotion, like "how are you doing today?" "idk im feeling kinda drake though"
One day I will solve all problems with grace & maturity. Today is not that day...
My family is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you`re gonna get but you can be sure there are gonna be some nuts in there somewhere.
I finally finished my 4,000 piece jigsaw puzzle. It reads- " Get a life you sad F**k "
When ever I think about the past...It brings back so many memories
People who really love their jobs are annoying. Keep that sh!t to yourself.
is ready to have one too many!