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I love work; it fascinates me. I can sit and watch folks do it for hours.
I wish more people were fluent in silence.
I joined weight watchers last month, so far I lost 38 dollars...
Go through a fast food drive thru. When they repeat your order back to you, say "And can I get that to go?" and enjoy the confused silence.
I think Tampax and Hershey`s should get together and offer a super pack....
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot” ...you`re wasting everybody’s time.
Not all country music is terrible. If you can get past the lyrics about trucks, mud, farms and cows... It`s actually not too bad.
You know your old when your back goes out more than you do.
I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. “My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl.”
Thumbnail pics. Helping ugly people look hot until you click on them since 1995.
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose.
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
There are many different ways one can save energy. I normally use the couch.
Yawning is the body`s way of saying `10% Battery Remaining`.
If you want to talk to me on the phone, I need at least three days notice.