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How do they put the "do not walk on the grass" signs up?
Taking selfies is a lot of work when you’re not attractive.
If you think people are stupid, randomly post "Happy Birthday" wishes on peoples FB page and see how many others tell them happy birthday.
I`ve been told my posts are too depressing but what does it matter. We`ll all be dead soon anyway.
Sorry I called the police when I saw you running, I didn`t know you did that for fun.
I was halfway to the state line before I realized the sirens were part of the song that was playing
Sarcasm is just one of the many services I offer to people who ask stupid questions.
I`m sorry we fought ... I hate it when you`re wrong.
I can read your mind, your thinking about sex right now, no wait, wait.. that`s my mind, sorry, I can read my mind. . .
50 Shades of Laze - My weekend plans
When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight... to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage light bulbs.
If goldfish crackers actually tasted like goldfish-- wait, I just realized I`ve never tasted a goldfish. What if the crackers are accurate?
Facebook: Cause why drunk dial one person when you can drunk post the world?
My buddy told me he was going to Beerfest this weekend, I asked him where, he said "any bar I walk into!!!"
My ex said he would die for me. All I`m saying is, it was his suggestion.