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Remember way back when the only thing that was annoying on your feed were game requests?
Health experts recommend a 1500 calorie diet. For those of you not good with math... that’s a 12-pack of 125 calorie beers. You`re welcome!!! ;)
I`m first world poor. That means I have a smart phone and laptop that I use to go online and see that I have no money in my bank account.
Coffee is nature’s way of saying “Go ahead, get drunk on a weeknight, I got your back!”
My phone just changed, `calendar` to `cake radar` and now I really wish I had that.
I don`t think I get enough credit for the fact that I do all of this unmedicated.
Nuclear physicists can be lots of fun. They`re often referred to as the half life of any party.
I`m gonna start a secret porn industry and call it "the Illuminaughty".
Judging from the bar receipts, ATM withdraws, hand stamps, and the glitter in my car, I now realize I`m a ball of fun when I black out.
Why,does facebook want to make the likes one gets on their status like a story,like:peter and 500 others like this,click and see james and 499 others like this............
Life Tip: Hang out with people who make you forget to look at your phone.
Saw these three things on a corner, in this order: Liquor store, gun store, bank. What could possibly go wrong with that?
This getting older thing really sucks. These days my eyes are so bad I have to buy the Large Print edition of Alphabet Soup.
I`ve honestly never been more disappointed in life than when I found out that the Miami Dolphin football team was made up entirely of people
Dear whoever ate my fries while i was in the ball pit at McDonald`s... grow up!!