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Nothing shuts my pie hole more than an actual pie.
I may not have the best parenting skills; but, in my defense, my kids don`t have the best childing skills, either.
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I`m halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God, I could be eating a slow learner...
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess
How big does a cupcake have to be before it`s just a cake?
was on the treadmill for over an hour and I must say it is much easier with roller blades
I hate that part of the morning where I have to get out of bed and participate in real life.
I was at the pool today and tried to sneak a quick pee in the deep end. The lifeguard must have seen me. He blew his whistle so loud that I almost fell in.
I may not be a veterinarian, but I know a horses a$$ when I meet one.
Don`t get me wrong, this Chinese take-out is amazing. But I`ll be damned if they expect me to believe a chicken fried this rice
This century is already 15% over.
I don’t understand decaf coffee. It’s like sex without the sex.
Whoever convinces blind people that they need sunglasses,, is one heck of a salesman....
The only rule of the Chess Club is to hide from the Fight Club.
I bought a screwdriver bit for my electric drill. It`s useful for converting ordinary phillips screws into non removable screws.