Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
OK. Who decided to call it "possession of marijuana" and not "joint custody"?
Whoever figured out that you can make cake in a mug in under a minute was probably really going through some sh!t.
I solve my problems by blatantly ignoring them and going on the internet.
Rawwrrr means I love you in dinosaur. Everyone knows that, silly
Sorry, I can`t hangout. My uncle`s cousin`s sister in law`s best friend`s insurance agent`s roommate`s pet goldfish drowned. It was tragic.
Somewhere, right this minute, someone is reading this sentence.
Iām not shy, Iām just really good out figuring out who is not worth talking to.
Why do the 5 seconds I have to wait before I can "skip ad" last 30 seconds?
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much shit to carry.
I was bitten by a mosquito last night. Bet that little bastard is pretty hung-over today
About to check Facebook? Let me save you some time. One of your friends has updated their cover photo to a picture of the beach.
I want someone to look at me the way I look at cupcakes.
If you trip and are about to fall on the ground yell "He`s got a gun!" and then you`ll look like a cool hero.
Bacon has protein. Spinach has protein. Bacon is a vegetable.
Learned a lesson from my dog tonight ... No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that sh1t and move on.