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it`s not that I`m bad at remembering names, I`m just awesome at forgetting them.
You don`t see faith healers working in hospitals, just like you don`t see psychics winning the lottery every week.
Went to the bookstore to pick up a "Where`s Waldo" book today, but couldn`t find any. Well played Waldo, well played...
Why can`t I get service in my own home, but the god damn Taliban can upload videos from a cave in Afghanistan!?
I’ll drink responsibly when there is a brand of vodka named Responsibly.
When life is stressful, do something to lift your spirits. Go for a drive. Go two or three thousand miles away. Maybe change your name.
I hate it when I`m singing a song and the artist keeps messing up the words.
I have an inferiority complex about my superiority complex. I know I`m better than you, but I feel really bad about it.
I just saw a man salute the Budweiser truck on the highway. LMAO
I’m not lazy, I’m on energy saving mode.
You move into my house, delete all my porn, decorate every wall with rooster pictures, talk incessantly, leave hair everywhere and are too tired for sex?? Sounds great, let`s do it!!
I just broke a light bulb. Damn, is that 7 years of bad ideas.
I`m reaching the point where I really hope it`s not possible to be annoyed to death.
I just heard someone say "I can`t wait for 13/13/13" .....let`s take a moment and pray for this dumbass
When I "rage against the machine" the machine is usually a printer.