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Whats the difference between a phone number & an opinion? People ask for your phone number.
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth
In sign language, arthritis is a speech impediment.
So how many women out there think men are pigs? Gimme a show of tits!
If things always went according to a plan…. life wouldn’t be interesting.
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
At this point in life, my greatest chance of having a threesome will be sex with a schizophrenic.
My kids are the reason I wake up every morning. Really freaking early. Every...Single...Morning...
When I was a kid, I really thought piranhas were going to be pretty much a daily concern.
Instead of “single” as a relationship option, it should read “independently owned and operated”
My boss doesn’t like it when I play slavery songs at work….
I was wondering why my doctor gave me LSD for my constipation, then I saw a dragon and crapped myself.
If the shoe fits . . . buy one in every color
It`s okay I`ll text myself back.
If zombies attack the world, everyone will run and hide. Except for us gamers, of course. We`ve been waiting for this all our lives!