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If my calculations are correct then someone else did them for me.
Got a little too much sun today. I knew I should have closed the blinds.
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night. In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
Exercise would be so much more rewarding if calories screamed while you burn them.
It would be cool if you heard a thunder bug a few seconds after you saw a lightning bug.
You`re never too old to learn stupid sh!t
There are 7 trillion nerves in the human body. Some people are capable of getting on every last one of them.
I remember my single days like it was 11 years, 1 month, and 12 days ago.
I guess “Trying to be” isn’t really the answer the doctor was looking for when he asked if I was sexually active.
When will math grow up and start solving its own problems
Nobody wished me a happy birthday today, which isn´t surprising really, since it isn´t my birthday.
Ladies, wonder if he`s busy or ignoring your texts? Offer to send nudes. If he instantly responds, he was totally ignoring you before.
With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything.
While it was raining today, I thought for fun I would run out there and scream "I`m melting I`m melting!"
I am not lazy, I`m on power saving mode