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I only accept apologies in cash.
It`s all fun and games until you find out she`s a psychotic bitch...
"He sure seems like a nice young man" is Grandma-speak for "I`d totally hit that."
Today please just pretend I wrote something hilarious, click like, and move on down the news feed.
No toilet paper.. goodbye socks
When two people love each other deeply, nothing is impossible. Except deciding on where to eat.
I plucked my first gray hair today ... Man, that lady was upset.
Those who tell you not to run with scissors are just trying to steal your scissors. Run.
Singing in the shower is illegal according to this Ikea security guard.
I will pay good money to anyone who can take me from work, make it look like an abduction and tuck me back into bed.
You`ve cat to be kitten me right meow.
Just killed a cricket at work, and, long story short, I`m now being asked to audition for Riverdance.
Yeah... I may be old... But I`m still hot..... They just come in flashes now!
Wanna have a little fun? Post "Anyone know a good lawyer?" Then sit back and watch the speculation run wild!
roses are red.... my name is dave...this poem makes no sense.... microwave...