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“Swearing is unattractive” I’m not attractive anyway so f*ck off
Facebook is basically just you having a conversation with yourself hoping that someone else will join in.
Sometimes I think I`m a relatively smart person. Other times I put my shoes on before my pants and realize who I really am.
I like to think I`m special, because the thought of idiots like me existing in large numbers is f*cking terrifying.
If you think I wrote this status update in the nude, you`re wrong. I`m wearing a sombrero and a candy necklace.
The number one reason why trick or treating is better than sex is, you can do the whole neighborhood.
As if " cray cray" wasn`t irritating enough, people have started shortening it to " cray"....that`s just stu stu
You are by far my smartest and best looking friend on Facebook.
If you think your wife has a sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose pedals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes
Yes, I talk to myself...Yes, I answer myself and Yes, I argue with myself....and the makeup sex is awesome.
Uses 3 gallons of water to rinse out yogurt container so it can go into recycling bin
I believe in sharing the road with other drivers. They can have the part behind me.
If you find a four-leaf clover it means you have entirely too much time on your hands.
What are the words I`m looking for? Oh yeah...Eat sh!t and die.
Better to be incredibly weird than incredibly boring.