Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Wish my girlfriend was awake, could really do with a sandwich right now.
Congrats on your secret admirer! Must be nice having someone who’s ashamed to admit they like you!
I`ve taken my kids all over the country, but their favorite place to be is still "in the way."
You`d be surprised at how many times I`ve gone home, when i hear someone tell me "Go hard or Go home".
People who say, “Happy New Year” to you on the 4th of January are not really your friends.
Lesson Learned: I poured bleach on the asshole that cut me off at the self-checkout. According to the cop, I misunderstood asshole bleaching.
Anything can be considered your job if you hate it enough.
I honestly don’t care if you think I’m crazy. You’re just a figment of my imagination anyway.
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills, with a rubber band around it...... I found the rubber band.
If my calculations are correct, I can retire about 5 years after I die.
We played a lot of "Keep The Balloon In The Air" as kids, a game known to most other people as being poor.
Lawns: You cut them, then water them so they grow just so you can cut them again. This does not make sense.
Side effects of telling your wife to get a grip may include throat bruising or testicular swelling.
Gone insane. Be back Tuesday.
I got a new high score today ... Sadly, it was on my bathroom scale