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Pro tip: The kids run around a little longer if you forget to hide the eggs
I advise you...don`t mess with me, I know karate, kung fu,judo, tae kwon do, jujitsu, and 28 other dangerous words.
I smoked weed once and realized spoons are just little bowls on sticks
While most people are becoming older and wiser, I´m becoming older and better at making stuff up as I go along.
I always advise people never to give advice.
The best part about having an old VW is driving down the road and watching people punch the sh!t out of each other.
I bought my mother in-law one of those atomic clocks. I can`t wait for the alarm to go off.
It’s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most
The hour that we lose this weekend is the one that I was planning on going to the gym.
Did you know you have the right to remain silent even when you`re not being arrested?
Single women come home, see what`s in the fridge and go to bed...while married women come home see what`s in the bed and go to the fridge.
30 seconds left on the microwave ~ Women: set table, pour drinks, tweet, talk on the phone ~ Men: do the space shuttle countdown
You made several good points, and I understand that you are right, but the way you said it was so douchey I have to take an opposite stance.
If it was not for electricity, we would all be watching T.V. by candle light.
I may be asking too much of this coffee.