Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`ll never have a kid as cool as the one my parents did…
Change is hard. Seriously have you ever tried to bite a nickel?
You see I, I´ve raise a toast to all of us. Who are breakin´ our backs everyday. If wantin´ the good life is such a crime. Lord, then put me away, yeah, here´s to you
People assume I’m smart when they see my glasses case. Then they see that I use it to store a Snickers bar and they recognize my true genius.
It doesn´t matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly room for more alcohol.
You laugh because I´m different. I laugh cause I just farted!
I hate that feeling when you feel you wrote something good on facebook and then nobody likes your status. Depressing... :(
"Wow, you look good today!” is not a compliment if it comes with a genuinely surprised look.
Think of a number between 0 and 20. Add 40 to it. Multiply by 2. Subtract 3. Now close your eyes.... It`s dark isn`t it.
I could write an entire book on excuses... but I have to drop my dog off at the airport.
im so hungry, im farting fresh air
If you are alone and feeling lonely, fart. Someone always walks in after you fart.
"I`ve had so much coffee, I got halfway to work and realized I forgot my car."
Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those medications.
The older I get, the more I understand someone`s desire to just say-"F*ck it. I`m going to be drunk all the time & live under this bridge."