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Funny how 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers a day seems so easy
If the sprayer in the sink can`t get it off and the dishwasher can`t get it off then I assume it`s just meant to be a part of the pan.
I don`t know how many girls it takes to change a light bulb, but I guarantee we`d post pictures of us doing it on Facebook.
Technically, it isn`t pre-marital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
"Lazy" is a strong word. I prefer to call it selective participation.
The early bird catches the worm. And the late bird catches one of the other trillion worms left. What`s your point?
I might not be "Smarter Than a 5th Grader", but I can buy booze! Booyah!
According to my fitness app, I ate a 6 mile fruit roll-up.
I think the Worst Part about admitting you are an Alcoholic ..is People expect you to Quit Drinking.
I`ve come to the sad realization nobody will ever triumphantly pour Gatorade on me for any reason
So Stevie Wonder is going to become father to triplets next year. I guess he didn`t see that coming...
Its weird how your entire day flashes before your eyes the moment you realize that your zipper has been down and you haven`t pissed in 8 hrs
Imagine if trees gave off WiFi signals, We would be planting so many trees. And we`d probably save the planet too! Too bad they only produce the oxygen we breath :/
"Always leave them wanting more" is my new mantra when paying bills.
Of course I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.