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Let`s sleep in until it`s time to go to bed again
As an adult, I use nunchucks way less than I expected.
I thought about going outside and doing something today but my Wi-Fi really doesn’t reach very far.
Just gonna wait to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I`m describing him.
Whoever is bringing me the 3 dozen donuts each morning, thank you. But could you just leave them on my desk and not in the break room?
Remember kids- Respect your fathers! Besides, before you came out of your moms, you came out of your dad.
It`s 2014, people. Isn`t it about time we put an end to all this `wake up in the morning and go to work` nonsense?
Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.
I`ll be drinking tell I see Leprechauns tonight.
Thanks for accepting my friend request on Facebook, even though is was solely so I could gain full access to your profile and judge your life choices.
Know why girls cross their arms when they`re angry? Boobs. Just a little reminder of who`s in charge around here.
Hey rumor has it, that if you look up from your phone you can see all kinds of pretty colors in the trees this time of year.
The only honest people in the world are small children and me after a couple cocktails.
Isn’t it funny how people that talk too much also have annoying voices?
My ID expired so I can only go to the liquor store where they remember me: The one where I asked the cashier out and threw up on the floor.