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Getting to bed early so I can be well rested and fully alert for my morning anxiety.
If it walks like a duck and it looks like a duck, the chances are she`s practising for her next selfie
It’s ok if you don’t agree with me. I can’t force you to be right.
I`m in therapy to learn how to deal with people who should be in therapy
The only thing that makes me happy about the launch of a new model cell phone is that I can finally afford the previous model.
Key to a great marriage ... Lack of imagination.
I hate it when people exaggerate my mistakes and make it seem like I’ve commited a crime.
I don`t get it. If violets are blue, why do we call them violets?
If you ever want to know what you look like to the world, don’t look in a mirror, have a child draw you.
TIP: If cars are passing you on the highway in the LEFT lane, GET THE HELL OUT OF THE RIGHT LANE!
Sorry I`m late, I didnt want to come
Sarcasm is wasted on the idiots who inspire it.
I have no time or patience for games in my relationships. Unless by “games” you’re referring to naked Twister. I can make time for that.
Reasons I check my voicemail: 1% to hear the message. 99% to get rid of that annoying icon.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong...and a Tax is a fine for doing well