Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It has been brought to my attention that those stick figure decals on vehicles are not "kill" scores, but actually suppose to represent members of the family. I will be removing all my decals to avoid any further confusion.
I really need a long road trip, top down, in the Jeep...with a cooler....loud music....and an extra cooler in case the first one isn`t enough
I try to explain to my kids during the movie that in reality, even a cowardly lion would eat a girl and a little dog.
All guys should learn from Mario Bros. No matter how far their princess is, they should go after her.
You`re probably wondering how I post so much while maintaining a loving marriage and two amazing kids. The key is neglect.
Instead of calling it the John, I call my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.
If I suddenly had the ability to teleport, Iād spend an entire day popping up naked in front of people and asking for John Connor.
Do you remember that creepy guy who stood behind you on a train 6 years ago and was smelling your hair? Hi!
Wait till the people so excited about all-day breakfast at McDonald`s find out they can make breakfast at home whenever they want.
What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets? Women hahaha
Don`t talk to me like I`m stupid until you know for sure.
It`s so expensive being a woman. I know because I have financed a few.
It`s a small world, but I wouldn`t want to paint it.
You know you drank too much if you have to wait until your court appearance to find out what the hell happened that night
I love the smell of a liquor store in the morning!