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We could learn a lot from our dogs.... If you can`t eat it or play with it, then pee on it and walk away
When I was your age, we had to walk 10 miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
never judges a book by its cover. I use the paragraph on the back, it tells you what the story is about.
My innocent look never works in the nude.
I quit my job and handed in my badge and gun to my boss, he said, why do you have a gun? You work at McDonald’s.
is pondering why people have a favorite color M&M when they all taste the same!
I`ll never fly Virgin Airlines. Why would anyone want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way.
Creating a password in this day and age After the 9th try OKNowI`mReallyMad50BoiledCabbagesUpYourArseIfYouDon`tGiveMeAccessImmediately! `Sorry, that password is already in use`
The synonym for `reality` is `offline`
Beach Rule #17: Never ask anyone under the age of 35 if they`ve seen your shuttlecock
Step aside coffee, this job is going to take hard liquor.
Thanks for posting another selfie. I completely forgot what you looked like 24 hours ago.
Traffic would be awesome if we all drove hamster balls.
The early bird needs a punch in the throat.
Next time you take your dog for a walk, dress like a cop & pretend to be searching the neighborhood for drugs.