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“Nevermind.” Translation: You should’ve listened the first time.
Whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks..I`m in public.
Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advise.
I saw a piece of chewing gum in the urinal today and thought, boy that must have been really painful.
Not to brag, but I don’t need to smoke pot to get the munchies.
I bet strippers look forward to that feeling of getting home and wearing a bra after a long day at work.
and alcohol are now friends.
My wife woke up with a HUGE smile on her face this morning. I love sharpies.
I don`t know why I think I could survive the Zombie Apocalypse, I cant even handle the puff of air at the eye doctor.
The only thing worse than a cold toilet seat is a warm one.
When is National Slap a Co-worker Day? ... Please say tomorrow
Like if you really googled to see if that kid really died from masturbating
I hate it when people upload song lyrics as their status`s it reminds me of somebody i used to know
If I ever get arrested I am going to ask for a status update instead of a phone call.
I think Labor Day is to remind people that after a full day with the family, going to work actually isn`t so bad after all.