Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m on this great new diet where I spend all my grocery money on strippers.
Anyone who believes that children are our future has not been to a mall recently.
Just tried to pay for my McDonalds with a hug, it didn`t work. Don`t believe the rumors.
They might want to put a picture of that airplane on a milk carton.
The only way you can be right in an argument with a woman is by admitting you`re wrong.
It’s embarrassing that 90% of my Google history is just words I wasn’t sure how to spell, and yes I googled embarrassing.
“I’ll be speaking with my lawyer” is the adult version of saying “I`m telling mom”
If I learned anything from my children, it`s that it is always OK to do something stupid, as long as someone DARED you to do it.
Laugh at your problems, everybody else does
There are days when everything goes perfectly. . I wonder what those are like?
ATTENTION: Upon further consideration, I am once again pushing back the debut of my summer beach bod. Thank you for your patience.
If being an a$$hole was a professional sport, my face would be on a box of wheaties.
October is breasts cancer month. I stare because I care.
Keep it up and I`ll make sure u end up on a milk carton.
My dog is eating. I`m sitting next to her, staring intently at her, making her obviously uncomfortable. Yeah, how`s THAT feel, mutt?