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Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, please take them off.
It`s funny how when you post a status and some people think it`s about them..Hahahaha it was.
The expiration date on my credit card is 4/20 and it always gets a good laugh when Im ordering pizza for delivery.
50% of people believe s@x is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are guys
Not to brag, but I don`t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
In all my years, I have never finished a pencil.
Unless your kid’s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
I have no problem admitting that you made a mistake.
If video games have taught me anything, it`s that you`ll automatically get promoted if you kill your boss.
The worst thing that can happen when you invite someone over to "watch a movie" is actually watching a movie.
Raise your hand if you have already spent your daylight savings
I know exactly how a bomb technician feels when I try to open a cup of cherry mixed fruit without the juice spraying out.
I have always been suspicious of Wendy`s hamburgers because they are square; much unlike the round hamburgers one finds in nature.
Bands who can`t afford a smoke machine should hire my girlfriend to cook at their concert
Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn’t hear you the first 100 times.