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To whom it may concern: I need more money and power ... ASAP thanks!
I make way more decisions than I should based on the battery life of my phone.
Know the rules well so you can break them effectively.
Never look at your beer as half-empty. Look at it as you’re halfway to your next beer.
If I drank, I`d have a lot funnier status updates on Facebook than I do now. Well, at least I`d think they were funnier.
The first step is admitting you’re a problem.
I`d like to give a shoutout to all the people who are going through an identity crisis, you know who you are... I think.
I fell asleep at the wheel smh, time to turn Mario Kart off and go to bed.
I have hit the age where sex and choosing the exact right size Tupperware for leftovers are equally satisfying...
I may be wrong, but I doubt it.
In fact, yes, l can multitask. I can screw up several things at once.
I had a bit of a lazy day sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online. My boss was furious.
Facebook is like a fridge full of old food you know what is in your fridge but still you go and check if it changed.
Babies dont have parents, they have staff.
I was in my kitchen cleaning when suddenly I realized OMG! ... I`m late for Facebook!!