Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
i joined new gym yesterday. i did 3 sets of selfies on each machine
The best part about being at work on Friday is that it gives me 9 hours to figure out what I`m going to drink tonight.
Basically the way it works is I tell myself I`m not going to eat too much and then I eat too much.
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I`d be like "Sit your translucent a$$ down, I have a lot of questions!"
Sugar` is the only word in English that starts with `su` and sounds like `sh`. I`m sure of it.
My credit card company called. They want me to leave home without it.
If you want to have fun with your kids, tell them the teacher called, then ask if there is something they need to tell you.
Mouth the word " vacuum" to a stranger & see what happens.
I hate when a website has a picture that you can click and enlarge. Then the "enlarged picture" is the same exact size as the thumbnail!
I believe that every person has a story to tell...which is why I stay at home.
I never finish anyth...............
If by a blow job you mean blowing everything out of proportion then yes I totally rock at blow jobs.
3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier`s face: Priceless!:D
Cop: Sir what is in the bottle next to you? Man: It`s water *hands the cop the bottle* Cop: Sir, this is wine. Man: Jesus did it again!
If I didn’t drink, how would my friends know I loved them at 2AM?