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I am so thankful there is no alert that tells someone how many times I have enlarged their profile pics.
I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become
That awkward moment when you go for a run and your boobs start to bounce up and down.......and you`re a guy.
Worrying is a waste of time. It doesn’t change anything. It messes with your mind & steals your happiness.
I’ve made some pretty bad choices in life but I have to admit, having orange juice with Oreos was the worst.
Who`s this "moderation" people keep telling me to drink with?
If its the thought that counts, then I`ve banged so many hot chicks.
If it was the other way around, I doubt one cat would take in 23 old ladies.
No, I would not like to join your exclusive membership rewards club. I’m buying a sandwich.
Id explain it to you, but I don’t have any crayons with me.
i wonder if fish get thirsty .
Happy Fat Tuesday! Join me again tomorrow on I`m still fat Wednesday
People are like snowflakes. If you piss on them they go away.
My favorite sex position is, "don`t tell anyone we did this".
Some people walk into your life and leave footprints on your heart. Some people walk into life and make you want to leave footprints on their face