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Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
Only 273 fruit roll-ups to go until I get my full serving of fruit...
During the summer months, be sure to dress for the body you have. Not the body you want.
Sometimes, I drink a glass of water, just to surprise my liver!
If you ever need anything please don`t hesitate to ask someone else first.
The day I can get a correct order at a fast food establishment is the day I will support an increase in minimum wage.
I am Bad and thats Good. I will never be Good and thats not Bad. There`s no one i`d rather be than ME.
You think your wife is crazy now? Try divorcing her
If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you’re probably holding the taser wrong.
I always clench up before I drive into a tunnel because I`m afraid Wile E. Coyote might have just drawn it on there.
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, never mind, you will know who you are soon enough.
If you want to keep a secret from me, write it down and send it to me as a Facebook event invitation.
Don’t ever laugh in the bathroom it will make people think ur playing with yourself
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much sh!t to carry.
"I" before "E" except after "Old MacDonald had a farm"