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Coffee – because most people frown on alcohol first thing in the morning.
I`m surprised carving faces into vegetables after pulling out their innards isn`t incorporated into more American Holidays.
The good thing about Facebook is if someone gets on your nerves enough, you can make them cease to exist in your world and you don`t even have to hide a body.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall (he also had a pretty good summer too).
This is a private status. Please don`t tell anyone about it.
Ya, Wednesday sucks but… it could be Monday!
The worst thing about dating is bringing a nice guy home after dinner, only to find your husband home early from work.
My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that.
The ideal man doesn`t smoke, doesn`t drink, doesn`t do drugs, doesn`t swear, doesn`t get angry, doesn`t exist
When I see a tire swing swaying gently in the breeze, I like to believe its daydreaming about life on the open road.
If there is enough room to spell `bootylicious` on the back of your shorts...it probably isn`t
if it has tits or tires sooner or later it will give you problems.
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off your life.... Based on the math, I should have died in 1732.
I`m on my 5th coffee, just in case you`re wondering about the "other way" to get to Narnia .
Look!!! I am always here for you no matter what,OK? unless there is something good on tv or I`m eating pie