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What this country needs is more unemployed politicians...
if there wasn´t a last minute I´d never get anything done.
Being `clean and sober` means I`ve showered and I`m headed to the liquor store.
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you.
Cubic Zirconium`s slogan should be: Guys can fake it too!
What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ”K” instead of ”OK”?
would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Every Instagram caption should just be, "ARE YOU JEALOUS OF MY LIFE YET??"
Sneezing is like using sonar to find polite people.
They act like technology is ruining childhood, but back in the day, kids were so bored they would turn their eyelids inside out for fun.
If there wasn’t such thing as a last minute I’d never get anything done.
Sleep is for people with no internet connection.
I like to go to a strangers house tell them you used to live there and that your grandfather hid money somewhere in the house and just leave.
There are two types of people...don`t worry you are not one of them.
Boobs are to men what light bulbs are to moths.