Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I didn`t have a dollar.
You never know whats going on in your life until you’re f*cked up.
feels like getting some work done ... so I am sitting down until the feeling passes.
I love my six-pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
It’s not that I don’t want kids, it’s just that I don’t want a minivan.
Come on snooze button, is 9 minutes all you have to offer...I need something in the 2-3 hour range.
I can eat anything in the house unless it was specifically bought for my wife but the only way to know it`s for her is to eat it. Apparently
Legally, it`s questionable .. Morally, it`s disgusting .. Personally, I love it. ;)
Doctors waiting room needs some music. And better lighting. And more women. And a pole in the middle of the room. And a buffet.
The Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
That annoying moment when a package says "easy open" and you need scissors, a knife, a gun, and a lightsaber just to open it.
I like how the package for cotton swabs says don`t put them in your ears and everyone in the world is thinking: "WTF else would I do with them?!"
I hate when I wake up in a strange house, & have to go outside to look at a license plate to figure out what state I`m in.
What`s wrong with having your mind in the gutter all the time?! If it weren`t for the gutter, my mind would be homeless!!!
Whenever you feel nobody cares or loves you. You should ask yourself...Am I TOO sexy?