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If it weren’t for law enforcement and physics, I would be unstoppable.
Pizza is my favorite winter activity
I got in an elevator with a lady with big breasts. She said could you press one for me please. I did and that was the last thing I remember
If you didn`t hear it with your own ears or see it with you own eyes. Don`t invent it with your small mind, and share it with your big mouth.
Damn your Hott!...........................Freaking Sun! lmao =P
Dear alcohol we had a deal where you were supposed to make me cool, sexy, charming and a great dancer........I seen a video......we need to talk.
I`ve been spending so much time on Facebook, that I forgot the internet has porn.
Some people see a glass as half empty. Some see a glass as half full. Most need to get a life & do something besides stare at glasses.
If by "help decorate the tree" you mean drinking beer on the couch yelling out everything you`re doing wrong, then yeah, count me in.
I`m beginning to think they invented the wireless mouse just so there was one less thing to use to hang yourself with at work.
The internet has made me so ADD. Started off googling "how to replace a timing belt" ended up watching a video on how to milk a camel.
Whenever I select next-day delivery for an online purchase, I imagine someone, somewhere, yells "CODE RED, CODE RED" really loud then people scurry like mad.
My doctor recommended I increase the amount of Greens in my diet...so I started drinking more Rolling Rock.
I licked some of the frosting, but then I just ate the whole cake. No evidence. Problem solved.
You haven`t truly tested your patience yet until you get stuck behind an undecided person at a Redbox kiosk.