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Note to Denver Broncos: Marijuana is NOT a performance enhancing drug!
I am so deep in the friendzone I have been introduced to her boyfriend`s parents.
Girl: What`s the plan, get me drunk and take advantage of me. Boy: Good, you`ve done this before
I didn’t give you the finger. You earned it.
Ladies, when it comes to stalking, I`m 100% behind you.
“100 Calorie Packs” roughly translated means “Eat Two or Three of These”
Here`s a list of helpful tips for meeting a great girl: 1. Don`t be me.
The way you feel when your phone dies is exactly how Cinderella must have felt at midnight
They say women only use 10% of their anger
Hmmm… Who should I stalk on Facebook now? :)
My therapist just offered me my money back.
My favorite thing around the holidays is being put into a group message with 200 people reply "Who`s This"
You are right when you realize you were wrong.
The problem with rich people is I`m not one of them.
Bill Gates: A billi a billi a billi JayZ: Half billi half billi half billi Lil Wayne: A milli a milli a milli Me: A dollar a dollar a dollar