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Weird when someone vanishes from your Facebook feed for 3 years then suddenly reemerges with the results of a "Which Muppet Are You?" quiz.
Is a rivalry between two vegetarians still called a beef?
Wtf? I was always told to treat people the way I want to be treated.. Stupid sexual harassment charges pending.
Keep talking; someday you’ll say something intelligent.
Why is it called when animals attack? It should be called when retarded people go near dangerous animals.
I leave notes on people’s windshields telling them I smashed their car and did an amazing job fixing it.
Who decided that the abbreviation for pound should be two letters not in the word?
I`m sorry, I live in the U.S. so I don`t really get the metric system. How much exactly is "in moderation"?
When I die, I am going to haunt the f*ck out of you people.
If you trip and are about to fall on the ground yell "He`s got a gun!" and then you`ll look like a cool hero.
I believe in equality. If we have a 5 day week of work, we should have 5 day weekends as well dammit.
I always put in a full eight hours at work. Spread out over the course of the week.
I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment. I tried it once, and I nearly killed some guy on a bike.
roes are red violets are blue he`s for me not for you if for any chance you`ll take my place i`ll use my fist and smash your face
Dropped my son off for his first day of kindergarten today. Does anybody know what age you`re supposed to pick them up?