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ALCOHOL - Because no good story ever started with someone drinking a glass of orange juice.
Why is it socially acceptable to wear a bikini at the beach but not on the bus? At the end of the day Iām just a guy in a bikini on the bus.
Told my kids next time I take their electronics away I`d also be responding to all texts they receive. They`ve been well behaved since.
Anything is possible when you have no clue what you`re talking about
The IRS suggests filing early to reduce the chance that someone will steal your identity and file before you. Honestly, if somebody wants my identity so badly they`ll file my tax return for me, go crazy. You can mow my lawn while you`re at it, too.
My workout plan really only consists of me wandering around in parking lots because I forgot where I parked...
Honestly, my biggest fear about becoming a zombie in the apocalypse is all the walking.
I could do so much more if I only had minions.
I get nervous after taking time off work, that in my absence my boss will realize how little I actually do at the office.
the only correct answer to are u ticklish? is i have explosive diareha right now
When are they going to drug test the audience of "The Price Is Right."? No one is that happy
My only trick for looking younger, is when an 80`s song comes on I try to look completely confused and slightly disgusted.
come on people driving is just like coloring, just stay inside the lines.
Its almost that time again! That`s right, its holiday season! Merry Black Friday sales, and happy spending!
There was no bonus fry at the bottom of the bag. But the story has a happy ending. I found it later in my sports bra.