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“Do you have a charger?” is the new “Could I bum a cigarette?”
April 1st is the absolute worst day to have a heart attack.
I am actually impressed by what Lance Armstrong has done. When I was on drugs, I couldn`t even find my bike!
Age has its advantages. Too bad I can`t remember what they are.
Ever get the feeling someone is watching you when you sleep? Yeah, sorry about that.
I`m "got my sexual education from a 2 Live Crew cassette tape" years old.
A moment of silence to all the kids who can’t wait to become a teenager because they think it’s fun..
Why do people say ``I saw it with my own eyes." Do they sometimes use other peoples eyes?
Teens, you should not being getting drunk. You`re annoying enough as it is
Is it bad when I’m talking to myself and I’m not even listening?
I would unblock you but then I`d be admitting I`d made a mistake and that`s just not my thing.
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can`t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.
If money grew on trees, Congress would actually care about the environment.
Seriously, dude...Is there a name for what`s wrong with you?
I’m just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.