Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m not bothered if someone likes me or Not. Even Angels are hated by Demons.
My home security system is a series of paintings with the eyes cut out.
If you ever need anything please don`t hesitate to ask someone else first.
Relax, we`re all crazy. It`s not a competition.
My life is a lot like Ikea furniture with missing instructions. I’ll get it together eventually but it won’t ever feel quite right.
Marriage tip: Don`t
Had to talk with my son about masturbation today...I explained that it is natural, and he should probably knock before he comes into my room from now on.
You know what’s huge in Japan? ..Sumo wrestlers. ;)
If you are really bored, I recommend mass texting all of your exes "I`m ready to give it another shot" and then get ready for the ride of your life
You make your own luck`.. a saying most popular with lucky f*ckers
The phrase "Go see your Ford dealer" means something completely different in Canada than the United States.
PMS = Prepare to Meet Satan.
Hell hath no fury like a hungry me.
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k … I don’t think I can run that far!
I`ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.!!