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I bet the "YMCA" dance is a lot harder to do in different languages
I`m in the awkward time period between not wanting to have pants on, and having to wait for the pizza guy right now...
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I’m flattered.
Me: But where do you see this relationship in five years? Her: Sir! For the last time, do you want extra cheese or not?
Hate to break it to you mom, but my friends do not care if my room is messy, They care whether or not there’s food
This Tequila tastes like an afternoon of fun and bad decisions.
Go home Polar Vortex....yer drunk.
*spits out animal cracker* This doesn`t even taste like hippo.
I don`t even know why chicks spend so much time and money on their hair when all guys look at is their tits.
I hate it when someone turns the light on while I`m sleeping and I`m like O_-
Still waiting on the "Once you go black, you`ll never go back" episode of Mythbusters.
I want to sleep tighter
My favorite part of seeing someone I know in public is pretending I didn’t.
Being an adult is mostly just wondering if the stuff in the dishwasher is dirty or clean while eating soup out of a sand castle bucket.
Facebook is great, but I still miss the good old days of writing down my random thoughts and sliding them into stranger`s pockets.